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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

Teachers & Cops:

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system.
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2 I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.


These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."(LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVORITE)

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS...
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."

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Old Post 06-26-2018 03:16 AM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

After some research Hawaiian Officials found that to stop the lava flows, they need to throw a natural born Hawaiian into the volcano.

Barack Obama instantly produced his Kenyan Birth certificate!

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Old Post 06-26-2018 03:19 AM
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Redneck Mafia
UKC Moderator

Registered: Aug 2013
Location: Seneca, Mo
Posts: 5822

__________________
Cheyenne & Jennifer Cummings
Seneca , MO
(417)317-4815
"TEAM MAFIA"
*NATIONAL GRNITECH GRCH GRNITECH(5) HALL OF FAME PKC PLATIUM CH REDNECK BACKWOODS SHACK
2014 OK STATE CH, 2015 MO PKC LEADER, 2016 PKC NATIONALS SEMIFINALIST, 2016 UKC TOP 20, 2O17 UKC WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 3RD PLACE, 2018 PKC SENIOR SHOWDOWN TRUCK HUNT FINAL 4, 2018 MO PKC STATE CHAMPION, 2019 AUTUMN OAKS NATIONAL GRNITE CH, 2019 PKC WORLD CH SEMIFINALIST. 2021 PKC SENIOR SHOWDOWN TRUCK HUNT FINAL 4.
*PKC WORLD CHAMPION PLATNIUM CHAMPION GRNITECH SHACK'S HEATHER ISLAND SOUTHERN STOGIE
2021 OKLAHOMA STATE CHAMPION, 2022 PKC WORLD CHAMPION, 2022 MO PKC STATE LEADER

RIP
*GRNITECH PKC SCH REDNECK MAFIA PKC HALL OF FAME REPRODUCER INDUCTED 2022
*GRNITECH CH PKC SILVER CH REDNECK SHACK ATTACK aka TAC 2018 OKLAHOMA STATE CHAMPION, 2020 MO PKC STATE LEADER

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Old Post 10-16-2018 08:26 PM
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oklared
UKC Forum Member

Registered: May 2005
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 5035

quote:
Originally posted by Redneck Mafia



AT LEAST SHE'S 1000TH OKLA INDIAN

__________________
HOME OF 2010 HIGH SCOREING REDBONE FEMALE, DUAL CH Y2KD, #7 REPRODUCING RED FEMALE
NT.Ch. WINNER AT REDBONE SEC. 2008
3RD PL. NT.CH. 2009 BATTLE OF BREEDS AT ADA OKLA.
4TH PLACE R.Q.E 2010
2ND PLACE OVERALL AT ZONE 4 AND DOUBLE CAST WINNER 2010
WENT TO 2010 WORLD HUNT
AMERICAN REDBONE ASSOCIATION HIGH SCOREING REDBONE FEMALE OF THE 2010 WORLD HUNT
OVERALL HI SCOREING DOG AT 2010 BBCHA BLUE TIC SECTIONAL
GR.NT.CH. AT 12 and A HALF
MADE-EM SEE RED

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Old Post 10-18-2018 04:02 PM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

While walking down the street one day , a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in [beeep] and one in heaven.

Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really? OK, I've made up my mind I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator , and he goes down, down, down to [beeep].

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse , and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time , that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.

They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in [beeep] and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in [beeep]."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to [beeep]...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above .
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage , and my friends look miserable. What happened?

The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning......Today, you voted.."

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Old Post 11-12-2018 01:16 AM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

I was thinking;If only 11 million people have Obama-Care, how will 24 million people die if it is repealed?

I was thinking;If Donald Trump deleted all of his emails, wiped his server with Bleachbit and destroyed all of his phones with a hammer, would the Mainstream Media suddenly lose all interest in the story and declare him innocent.

I was thinking,,If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

I was thinking;If you rob a bank in a Sanctuary City, is it illegal or is it just an Undocumented Withdrawal?

I was thinking;Each ISIS attack now is a reaction to Trump policies, but all ISIS attacks during Obama's term were due to Climate Change and a plea for jobs.

I was thinking;We should stop calling them all 'Entitlements'. Welfare, Food Stamps, WIC, ad nausea are not entitlements. They are taxpayer-funded handouts, and shouldn't be called entitlements at all. Social Security and Veterans Benefits are Entitlements because the people receiving them are entitled to them. They were earned and paid for by the recipients.

I was thinking;If Muslims want to run away from a Muslim country, does that mean they're Islamophobic?

I was thinking;If Liberals don't believe in biological gender then why did they march for women's rights?

I was thinking;How did the Russians get Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC to steal the Primary from Bernie Sanders? How did Russia get Donna Brazile to leak debate questions to Hillary Clinton in advance of the debates?

I was thinking;Why is it that Democrats think Super delegates are fine, but they have a problem with the Electoral College?

I was thinking;If you don't want the FBI involved in elections, don't nominate someone who's being investigated by the FBI.

I was thinking;If Hillary's speeches cost $250,000 an hour, how come no one shows up to her free ones?

I was thinking;The DNC is mad at Russia because they 'think' they are trying to manipulate our election by exposing that the DNC is manipulating our election.

I was thinking;If Democrats don't want foreigners involved in our elections, why do they think it's all right for illegals to vote?

I'm going to quit thinking for a while; my head hurts.

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Old Post 12-27-2018 07:29 PM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free hair cut And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Old Post 01-21-2019 04:21 AM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

BEING KISSED WHILE YOU ARE ALSEEP IS ONE OF THE PUREST FORMS OF LOVE!





UNLESS YOU ARE IN PRISON!!!!!

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Old Post 01-27-2019 04:09 PM
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Rex Ridge
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Nov 2015
Location:
Posts: 2941

😂😂😂

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Old Post 01-27-2019 04:32 PM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

Chuck Schumer was visiting a Washington D.C. primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr. Schumer if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So Mr. Schumer asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'
A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.
'Incorrect,' said Schumer. 'That would be an accident.
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not', explained Schumer, 'that's what we would refer to as a great loss'.
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Schumer searched the room
'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand and said: 'If a plane carrying you and Mrs. Pelosi and The Obamas and Mrs. Clinton was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.
'Fantastic' exclaimed Schumer, 'and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?
'Well', said Johnny, 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.

__________________
Ignorance: the lack of knowledge, education, etc.
Stupidity: lacking normal intelligence.
Intelligence: the ability to learn or understand.
You can't fix STUPID!

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Old Post 02-15-2019 02:56 AM
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Rex Ridge
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Nov 2015
Location:
Posts: 2941

That darn Johnny. 😆😆😆

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Old Post 02-15-2019 05:17 AM
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honalieh
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Jul 2003
Location: PA
Posts: 2154

Johnny

The teacher gives her class a math problem. Teacher says: There are 3 birds on a telephone line, and somebody shoots one. How many birds are left on the telephone line. Johnny raises his hand and the teacher calls on him. OK, Johnny what's the answer? Johnny replies there are NO birds left on the telephone line because the others got scared and flew away. Teacher tells Johnny "the correct answer is 2, but I like the way you're thinking".

Johnny says: OK teach, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench. One is holding a bag of lollipops, one is unwrapping a lollipop, and one is sucking on a lollipop. Which one is married? Teacher replies: it's the one sucking on the lollipop. Johnny says: "No teach, it's the one wearing the wedding ring. But, I like the way you're thinking!"

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Old Post 02-16-2019 04:32 AM
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honalieh
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Jul 2003
Location: PA
Posts: 2154

Johnny

The teacher gives her class a math problem. Teacher says: There are 3 birds on a telephone line, and somebody shoots one. How many birds are left on the telephone line. Johnny raises his hand and the teacher calls on him. OK, Johnny what's the answer? Johnny replies there are NO birds left on the telephone line because the others got scared and flew away. Teacher tells Johnny "the correct answer is 2, but I like the way you're thinking".

Johnny says: OK teach, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench. One is holding a bag of lollipops, one is unwrapping a lollipop, and one is sucking on a lollipop. Which one is married? Teacher replies: it's the one sucking on the lollipop. Johnny says: "No teach, it's the one wearing the wedding ring. But, I like the way you're thinking!"

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Old Post 02-16-2019 07:12 AM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes.""Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will also be expected to satisfy her every urge, as the daughter is in her early 20's with raging hormones."

The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're BSn' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... . . You started it . “

__________________
Ignorance: the lack of knowledge, education, etc.
Stupidity: lacking normal intelligence.
Intelligence: the ability to learn or understand.
You can't fix STUPID!

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Old Post 02-26-2019 04:41 PM
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Nathan Harder
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Jan 2018
Location:
Posts: 236

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."

The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am, replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

__________________
Kaskaskia River Runners

Iraq War Vet 03-04, 05-06
RECON
618-410-3034

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Old Post 02-28-2019 04:27 PM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

Who Needs a good laugh today ???
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper..
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love,
Grandma

__________________
Ignorance: the lack of knowledge, education, etc.
Stupidity: lacking normal intelligence.
Intelligence: the ability to learn or understand.
You can't fix STUPID!

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Old Post 03-10-2019 04:50 PM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his late seventies, very well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-seventies.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip. He slowly turns to the lady and says, "So, tell me ... do I come here often?"

__________________
Ignorance: the lack of knowledge, education, etc.
Stupidity: lacking normal intelligence.
Intelligence: the ability to learn or understand.
You can't fix STUPID!

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Old Post 04-02-2019 11:37 PM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!
"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies,"Hurts, don't it?!"

__________________
Ignorance: the lack of knowledge, education, etc.
Stupidity: lacking normal intelligence.
Intelligence: the ability to learn or understand.
You can't fix STUPID!

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Old Post 04-10-2019 08:00 PM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

So I get home this morning and my dog is laying on my porch covered in dirt and mud and has a rabbit in his mouth. He's not bloody, just dirty.
Now, my neighbors raised these rabbits for 4H and have blue ribbon winners. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. So I get the rabbit away from my dog, I take it inside, wash all the dirt off and before my neighbors got home I took it over, put him back in the cage and went back home.
Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming, so I go out and ask them what's wrong?
They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

__________________
Ignorance: the lack of knowledge, education, etc.
Stupidity: lacking normal intelligence.
Intelligence: the ability to learn or understand.
You can't fix STUPID!

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Old Post 04-14-2019 11:58 PM
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Redneck Mafia
UKC Moderator

Registered: Aug 2013
Location: Seneca, Mo
Posts: 5822

Little Johnny is very smart and well educated on the facts of life....

A teacher asked her class how many of them were Bernie Sanders fans.

Not really knowing what a Bernie Sanders fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.

Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not a Bernie Sanders fan.'

The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you a Bernie Sanders fan?'

Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Conservative.'

The teacher asked him why he's a Conservative.

Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my mom is a Conservative and my dad is a Conservative, so I'm a Conservative.'

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

Little Johnny replied, 'A Bernie Sanders fan.'

__________________
Cheyenne & Jennifer Cummings
Seneca , MO
(417)317-4815
"TEAM MAFIA"
*NATIONAL GRNITECH GRCH GRNITECH(5) HALL OF FAME PKC PLATIUM CH REDNECK BACKWOODS SHACK
2014 OK STATE CH, 2015 MO PKC LEADER, 2016 PKC NATIONALS SEMIFINALIST, 2016 UKC TOP 20, 2O17 UKC WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 3RD PLACE, 2018 PKC SENIOR SHOWDOWN TRUCK HUNT FINAL 4, 2018 MO PKC STATE CHAMPION, 2019 AUTUMN OAKS NATIONAL GRNITE CH, 2019 PKC WORLD CH SEMIFINALIST. 2021 PKC SENIOR SHOWDOWN TRUCK HUNT FINAL 4.
*PKC WORLD CHAMPION PLATNIUM CHAMPION GRNITECH SHACK'S HEATHER ISLAND SOUTHERN STOGIE
2021 OKLAHOMA STATE CHAMPION, 2022 PKC WORLD CHAMPION, 2022 MO PKC STATE LEADER

RIP
*GRNITECH PKC SCH REDNECK MAFIA PKC HALL OF FAME REPRODUCER INDUCTED 2022
*GRNITECH CH PKC SILVER CH REDNECK SHACK ATTACK aka TAC 2018 OKLAHOMA STATE CHAMPION, 2020 MO PKC STATE LEADER

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Old Post 04-17-2019 05:14 AM
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Rex Ridge
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Nov 2015
Location:
Posts: 2941

😂😂

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Old Post 04-18-2019 03:44 AM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.
He then addressed the men.
Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,
Gold Medal-All-Purpose, Isn't it?

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

__________________
Ignorance: the lack of knowledge, education, etc.
Stupidity: lacking normal intelligence.
Intelligence: the ability to learn or understand.
You can't fix STUPID!

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Old Post 04-20-2019 04:37 PM
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Nathan Harder
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Jan 2018
Location:
Posts: 236

A little old lady passes away and gets to the pearly gates.
The lord greets the woman, “Welcome to heaven!”
The woman greets the lord and asks what it takes to get in.
The lord responds “You only need to spell one word correctly!”
The woman says “Any word?”
The lord responds “Yes.”
The woman says “Love. L-O-V-E. Love.”
The lord says “You are correct but before I let you enter, could you stand here for me while I take care of something really quick?”
The woman agrees.
A few moments later, the woman’s ex-husband arrives and inquires about entering.
The woman tells him that you only have to spell one word correctly and then you may enter.
Her ex-husband says “Any word?”
The woman replies “No. Czechoslovakia.”

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Old Post 05-07-2019 05:33 AM
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Redneck Mafia
UKC Moderator

Registered: Aug 2013
Location: Seneca, Mo
Posts: 5822

4 boxes

Three contractors


Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $7,000. That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$27,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure? ”

"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.

Remember... Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

"I love my country; it's the government I'm afraid of!"

__________________
Cheyenne & Jennifer Cummings
Seneca , MO
(417)317-4815
"TEAM MAFIA"
*NATIONAL GRNITECH GRCH GRNITECH(5) HALL OF FAME PKC PLATIUM CH REDNECK BACKWOODS SHACK
2014 OK STATE CH, 2015 MO PKC LEADER, 2016 PKC NATIONALS SEMIFINALIST, 2016 UKC TOP 20, 2O17 UKC WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 3RD PLACE, 2018 PKC SENIOR SHOWDOWN TRUCK HUNT FINAL 4, 2018 MO PKC STATE CHAMPION, 2019 AUTUMN OAKS NATIONAL GRNITE CH, 2019 PKC WORLD CH SEMIFINALIST. 2021 PKC SENIOR SHOWDOWN TRUCK HUNT FINAL 4.
*PKC WORLD CHAMPION PLATNIUM CHAMPION GRNITECH SHACK'S HEATHER ISLAND SOUTHERN STOGIE
2021 OKLAHOMA STATE CHAMPION, 2022 PKC WORLD CHAMPION, 2022 MO PKC STATE LEADER

RIP
*GRNITECH PKC SCH REDNECK MAFIA PKC HALL OF FAME REPRODUCER INDUCTED 2022
*GRNITECH CH PKC SILVER CH REDNECK SHACK ATTACK aka TAC 2018 OKLAHOMA STATE CHAMPION, 2020 MO PKC STATE LEADER

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Old Post 07-25-2019 03:38 AM
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Bob Hennessey
UKC Forum Member

Registered: Feb 2010
Location: off the res.
Posts: 3415

Man comes home late one night. Goes into the bed room and takes off his clothes off and starts to crawl into bed, the woman rolls over and looks at him and says "YOUR DRUNK" he responds "how do you know" and she answers "BECAUSE YOU LIVE NEXT DOOR!"

__________________
Ignorance: the lack of knowledge, education, etc.
Stupidity: lacking normal intelligence.
Intelligence: the ability to learn or understand.
You can't fix STUPID!

Last edited by Bob Hennessey on 07-28-2019 at 04:04 PM

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Old Post 07-28-2019 04:00 PM
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