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Sitting At A Stop Light





I was sitting at a Red stop light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn Green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-English slogans, with a half- burned Union Jack duck-taped to the boot lid of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan, spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.


Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akhbar !!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere a bus came speeding through the junction and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.


For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me !"
So today, bright and early I went out and got a job as a bus driver.

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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italian sailor
--- A young New York woman was so depressed
that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but ...
just before she could
throw herself from the docks, a handsome
young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said
the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I
can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care
of you, bring
you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to
lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy ,
the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid
her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.
From
then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle
of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain
during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?"
asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the
sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to
Italy ."

"I see," the captain says.

Her
conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing
me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is
the Staten Island Ferry."

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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history
An Israeli Sense of Humor at United Nations set the record straight.

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.

A representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. ...
When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, "What a good opportunity to have a bath!"
Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them!

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there then."

The Israeli representative smiled and said, " And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech"..........

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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dinner
A man invites his friend back home for dinner. They arrive.

The wife screams at him . . .

"I've not done my hair, not done my make-up, not done any housework, not done the dishes & can't be bothered with cooking! What the hell did you invite him here for?"


"Cuz he's thinking of getting married".

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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Old Cow
Suddenly, a cow runs out into the road and a Limo driving late at night hits it head on and the car comes to a stop.

The old woman in the back seat - in her usual abrasive manner, says to the chauffeur, "Get out and check on that poor cow--you hit it."

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it appeared to be very old.

'Well,' says the woman, "You were driving and you hit it, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there"

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly, his hair ruffled, with a big grin on his face.

"My God, What Happened to You?" asks the old woman.

The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks the old haggard woman.

"Well, I just knocked on the door..........and, when it opened, I said to them,
'I'm the Honorable Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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Why I Can't Get Hired...
At my recent job interview...


Personnel Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Me : "Honesty."

Personnel Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

ME : "I don't really give a flip what you think"

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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A Jack Daniels Fishing Story

I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth.

"Frogs are good bass bait" I thought to myself.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Just then, I realized I had a problem, how was I going to release the snake without getting bit?

So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. The snakes eyes rolled back and he went limp.

I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge at my foot. There was that same snake with two more frogs in his mouth.

Life is good in the South.

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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This truck driver goes into a house of ill repute, slaps $500 on the counter and tells the madam that he wants the ugliest girl in the place and a ham sandwich, The madam of the house looks at the money and tells him, "for $500 you could have the most beautiful girl in here" The truck driver looks back at her and says, "Hey look sweetheart, I’m not horny, I’m home sick."

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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A good morning...
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

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The Virginia Zoo acquired a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated.
The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.
The zookeeper approached Wendell Bond from the Va Cartel with a proposition.
"Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500????" he asks.
Wendell accepts the offer, but only on three conditions:
"First, I don't want to have to kiss her."
"And second, you can never tell anyone about this."
The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.
"Well," says Wendell, "I'm gonna need another week or two to come up with the $500."

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Hell to be Old

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
A 79-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of
his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a
semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 79-year-old man reappeared
at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man
explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing ...'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbour?'
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

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How to be a Doctor...
Short Med School Exam...


On the entrance exam for medical school, the final question was...


"Rearrange the letters P-N-E-S-I to spell out the part of the human body that is most useful when erect."


Those who spelled SPINE became doctors.






The rest are in Congress...

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A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"


Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"


Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.


While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.


Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."


Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"


Harry: "36."


And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."


Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"


Harry, after a moment: "Legs."


Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"


The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!


Harry replied: "Pockets."


Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"


Harry: "Pants."


The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.


Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."





Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."


The principal was trembling.


Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last six questions wrong... "

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Hi Everyone one! LAUGHING at the jokes James! LOL....

Good day today...never did rain and got sunny and midsixties! Webster and I went out back for our walk...and were gone a whole HOUR! lol... We met the kids on the bus in the subdivision...and he stodd and got patted for 45 mins. while I yapped with 2 nice soccer moms. Now they know what coonhunting is lol....
Daisy is here now...she and Webster ran around the house and outside... like pups! I was sure something was going to break(a leg for instance)... Kenny said Daisy was VERY lonely all week...and that there are NO birds or squirrels at the house on the Cape! POOR Daisy! She has gained at least a couple lbs...lol... They are now napping. Daisy will go NUTS when Bob comes up at 10 to take them out!
I will be going to Mums tomorrow am so will not be back till Monday. Hoping to have winning Bruins hockey AND Pats football to be happy about when I come back! lol... I will have a tuff time getting to watch either I'm afraid...
Have a Great Weekend, HappyHunting and
PRAYERS for ALL! Heather

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Morning everyone! Rainin here hope it clears off got a pull today! Hope all is well prayers sent to those in need!

Shawn so happy alli is going good that's great!

James great jokes!

Rob tell kids congrats ! Hope knee coming along good I know u b glad to get back n the woods!

John good to hear pups an buzz is doing good!

Shannon hope all is well wit u an things getn better!

Corky hope y'all doin well c y'all at Goshen in a cple Fridays!

Yrp u comin out to Goshen n a come weekends?

Heather hope u have a fun weekend at ur mums!

Wb hope ya feeln better!

Have good weekend everybody!

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Location: virginia
Posts: 7043

GOODMORNING
60 RAINING
JAMES
GOOD JOKES
VA BLUE
THINGS GOING GOOD HERE GOOD LUCK WITH THE PULL
EVERYONE HAVE GOOD DAY

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CB&L KENNELS
HOME OF TREETALKIN
BLACK & TANS
CORKY CROWDER
BRANDON MAYO
LINDA CROWDER
PR TREETALKIN LITTLE SASSY
TREETALKIN TROOPERS BLEW
TREETALKIN RANGER DANGER
TREETALKIN LIL SHOOTEM UP JAKE
GRCHPR TREETALKIN NIGHTHAWK GONE BUT NEVER WILL BE FORGOTTEN R.I.P.

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Good morning friends !!!

James too funny !

Heather , vablue !! Hey sweethearts !!!! I hope you both have a great weekend !!!

Hello corky !!!! I was thinking about you the other day ... Telling a client how beautiful your pictures were !! And how the boss can make home made pies !!! One day .. I'm coming to visit !!!!

Have a wonderful day !!! Tonight me, mom, aunt Kathy and all my children and grands are going to the Greek festival down town !! No belly dancing for me .. But lots of home made wine to buy .. May have to try some !!
I'll have to take some pic's ..!!!

Have a great weekend !!!

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"Pr" Moonlight Anna R.I.P.-
(you were a world class champion to me !)

SHOW CH ' Rays Moonlight Anna's Dream.. MOLLY
FCH CH' PR' Ray's Moonlight Anna's Dream..MOLLY
"Pr" Hannah Ruth's saving angel .... Roo

My heart WILL FOREVER BELONG to my Blueticks..

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord , thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end..... JER. 29:11

Last edited by Moonlightanna on 10-12-2013 at 02:33 PM

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Vablue- at the moment I'm plannin on comin sat with the family.

Looks like another gloomy day here. Shawn, skeeter, and myself hunted last night but didn't do a whole lot.

Hope everybody has a great day!

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PR Dry Branch's foggy mtn daisy


Never forgotten-
PR Dutch Hollars Mtn Cry Diamond

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Mornin. Sunny and going up to 74 today.

James - good ones.

Shannon - don't drink too much of that wine.

Prayers for all in need.

Have a great weekend everyone.

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Shannon if I recall right the last time you got into the wine we didn't hear from you for days!!!!!!! Hummmm
Vabluegal good luck on the pull. I should rids out there.
Corky things a little wet up here but good.
Prayers too all.

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Shawn Abshire

Home of: My Blues!!
Males
Ch `PR` Turkey Creek Wallaces Luke.
' PR' Midnight Blue Haze.
Females
' PR' Big River Midnight Alibi
' PR' Bennett's Hilltop Blue Sammie

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Hey James can I borrow 500 hundred dollars

Well season comes in next week its time to break the little girl out

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The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. ~~ Thomas Jefferson

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have"

Thomas Jefferson

"My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government."
Thomas Jefferson

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I'm alive and well !! Had a blast with the family !!

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"Pr" Moonlight Anna R.I.P.-
(you were a world class champion to me !)

SHOW CH ' Rays Moonlight Anna's Dream.. MOLLY
FCH CH' PR' Ray's Moonlight Anna's Dream..MOLLY
"Pr" Hannah Ruth's saving angel .... Roo

My heart WILL FOREVER BELONG to my Blueticks..

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord , thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end..... JER. 29:11

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GOODMORMING
61 DEG RAIN
EVERYONE HAVE GOOD DAY

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CB&L KENNELS
HOME OF TREETALKIN
BLACK & TANS
CORKY CROWDER
BRANDON MAYO
LINDA CROWDER
PR TREETALKIN LITTLE SASSY
TREETALKIN TROOPERS BLEW
TREETALKIN RANGER DANGER
TREETALKIN LIL SHOOTEM UP JAKE
GRCHPR TREETALKIN NIGHTHAWK GONE BUT NEVER WILL BE FORGOTTEN R.I.P.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Moonlightanna
I'm alive and well !! Had a blast with the family !!

---

Now that's a possum treeing pedigree

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The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. ~~ Thomas Jefferson

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have"

Thomas Jefferson

"My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government."
Thomas Jefferson

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You know I had to post Molly's WB !!! you're so funny !!

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"Pr" Moonlight Anna R.I.P.-
(you were a world class champion to me !)

SHOW CH ' Rays Moonlight Anna's Dream.. MOLLY
FCH CH' PR' Ray's Moonlight Anna's Dream..MOLLY
"Pr" Hannah Ruth's saving angel .... Roo

My heart WILL FOREVER BELONG to my Blueticks..

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord , thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end..... JER. 29:11

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