Slough
UKC Forum Member
Registered: Aug 2003
Location: S. Ga.
Posts: 4608 |
Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?"
"I'm sending a voicemail, ya fool!"
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Blow that" says Mick, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
19 paddies go to the cinema. The ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $170 Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said "You're obviously not listening."
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
A teddy bear is working on a building site.
He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.
The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels
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08-05-2015 02:45 PM
Riding Shotgun
