corky crowder
UKC Forum Member
Registered: May 2005
Location: virginia
Posts: 7042 |
GOOD MORNING
HEATHER HOPE YOU GET WELL SOON
GOT THIS IN EMAIL
God and Lawn Care
God said: "Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles."
St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing the grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST.. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST.. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST.. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST.. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
__________________
CB&L KENNELS
HOME OF TREETALKIN
BLACK & TANS
CORKY CROWDER
BRANDON MAYO
LINDA CROWDER
PR TREETALKIN LITTLE SASSY
TREETALKIN TROOPERS BLEW
TREETALKIN RANGER DANGER
TREETALKIN LIL SHOOTEM UP JAKE
GRCHPR TREETALKIN NIGHTHAWK GONE BUT NEVER WILL BE FORGOTTEN R.I.P.
Last edited by corky crowder on 05-24-2011 at 12:36 PM
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05-19-2011 01:04 PM
Go Figure. Like I said... no complaints... sure it's ugly and gross and slick BUT... it'll help later on in the summer and the little water critters love it. I saw my first salamander of the year today! 
Made me think of my dad. I LOVED fishing with him... I wonder if he fished much with his dad in MD as a kid? My grandy had an oyster business in the Ch. Bay...and they were on the water alot...but I don't recall my dad talking about fishing with his dad(of course my memory is also not great since my accident)... Anywhoooo some of my very favorite memories are fishing on the Atlantic with Fa in our boats for shark and EVEN more Better... Bridge fishing in the FL Keys... Oh my we got in SO MUCH trouble with my Mum...LOL... Fa was a plastic/cosmetic surgeon... and real careful of caring for skin...and we.... FORGOT the sunscreen! I got sun poisoning(and it shows under my eyes) We got home... and nearly got a whupping! lol... Gosh that day was a memory I'll never ever forget... SO FUN! 
