UKC Forums - To all, but especially to the women, what should I make of this statement?

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-- To all, but especially to the women, what should I make of this statement? (http://forums.ukcdogs.com/showthread.php?threadid=396985)

Posted by julietx on 01-04-2011 04:53 PM:

Everyone, what should I make of this statement?

Okay, I've been planning for months to get a coonhound and will as soon as my life circumstances allow. My father was a coon hunter years ago, and we talk hounds all the time. He has known that I've been planning to get a dog, and he has been in total support of this. He has said that he will go with me to pick the puppy out. I am interested in all the events and want to do any many as I can. I thought I had made that clear to my father.

The other day we were talking up a storm about coonhounds and hunting and stuff. Out of the clear blue he said, "You love hounds so much just like me. If you had been a boy, you might have been a coon hunter". I was speechless when he said that, utterly speechless. I thought that I was going to be a coon hunter anyway. I thought that's what the plan was all along. Did he really think that I was going to get a dog and only do bench shows and never train the dog to hunt? I wish I had said something, but I was so taken aback by the comment that I couldn't say anything. It totally took the wind out of my sails. I became silent, and I think he realized that he had said something wrong.

My father swears that he meant nothing by the statement, but why say it if he meant nothing? To me there was no other way of interpreting it but to say that I couldn't be a coon hunter because I am a girl. That has kind of put a damper on things for me. It's not like my father has ever tried to hold me back on things because he hasn't. He supported fully me becoming a lawyer and me doing military, etc., and both of those professions have historically been male dominated. What he said would have been the equavalent of him saying, "If you had been a boy, you might have been a lawyer". He never had any issues at all with my career choices.

And it's not like he's against women. He hopes and prays that Sarah Palin is the next president, which makes his comment all the more puzzling given the fact that Sarah Palin is an avid hunter herself. His comment shocked the heck out of me because just the night before we had been watching Sarah Palin and her father go hunting together, and my father had commented on how great their relationship was and how great it was that they shared the passion of hunting. And then he makes a comment like that????

My father did his coon hunting mostly in the 1970s and early 1980s, and back then there were few if any women hunting. And in his club there were no women hunters. Maybe it's not that he is necessarily against women coon hunting, maybe it's just that he's never seen it. So, in his mind a coon hunter is a man. If his club had, had women hunters it probably wouldn't be an issue because that would have seemed normal to him. I have also told him that I intend to get into fox hunting, the traditional english style on horseback. He has no problem with that at all, but in that type of fox hunting there are likely to be as many women as men.

I can't figure my father out. Perhaps he can't get old images out of his mind. He has been out of the coon hunting world for close to 30 years. It's like he goes from one extreme to the other. He can make a comment like if I had been a boy I might be a coon hunter, but in the same sentence he is telling me that we need to get me a nite light. And then he has made comment that he thinks Sarah Palin would be a good coon hunter if she ever got into it. You see any contradictions there?

As I said, his statement really put a damper on things. It was like a stake had been driven through my heart, or like the wind had come out of my sails. How would that have made you feel? I have never been easily offended by anything. I have always been able to laugh things off, but this was different. Was I wrong to be offended by this, and what should I make of it?

Posted by josh on 01-04-2011 05:00 PM:

Silly girls...

Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:01 PM:

it is always different when the man, you're father looks at you, supports you in whatever you do, and then wishes for "the son". dont take it personal, i know it's hard. my father, means the world to me. he is especially critical of everything i do. i hunted before the prodigy son could, right along side of him. i have been told to grow my nails and put some makeup on since then.
i am on my own to an extent with coonhunting. he is still proud, it just seems like we always have more to prove. but remember, never wear that statement on your sleeve. just do it.
FOR YOURSELF, first.
then, he will see.
kelley
ps, my dad had the best beagles in the day. he will offer me trainin advice, but nothin else.
it all makes you stronger.

Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:06 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by josh
Silly girls...

rather be a silly girl that has, and knows how to coonhunt, than to be a delusional man that thinks he knows it all.

Posted by Todd M. on 01-04-2011 05:07 PM:

I have hunted against some pretty tough Female handlers.....so get em girls....bring it on...
I would of liked my daughter to hunt em I ve tried to get her to go, but she has told me she will love them from home Thanks Dad....

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Posted by josh on 01-04-2011 05:08 PM:

Girls have a smaller brain...Its science, you wouldnt understand.

Posted by Family on 01-04-2011 05:10 PM:

To all, but especially to the women, what should I make of this statement?

that sums it up right there for me, ""to all, but especially to the women.""??? sexism is perceived by the receipent, take it wrong or accept the situation of another.

I guess well if you had been a little boy at the time he was going to the mens hunting clubs back in the 70's and 80's you would have been there with him.

as a Man/father in the year 2011, the comments(sexual/drug/alcohol) and foul language is so abundant, and divorced/affairs etc...that my family aint goin right now PERIOD and my sons will go when they are highschool age, after they have had "the coming of age talk"

thats my opinion and if your a male or female it doesnt matter to me. but how my kids are influenced DOES MATTER TO ME. I'm a dad and death to the one who insults my daughter.

just my take on it.

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Posted by Two Toes on 01-04-2011 05:18 PM:

"BEEN THERE ON BOTH ENDS"

As a father of four boy's I can tell you I have said things to all of them that I wish I could take back.

I wouldn't read to much into it or take in to heart,"MUCH". Sure it will make you scratch your head from time to time but ya sure as the dikin's can prove him wrong!

What I did over some fatherly miscue's directed at me !

Sometimes we get lost in thought & things come out with no intention of harm. Maybe he meant you'da become a Coonhunter sooner? I'm impressed that with that kinda career you have that you wanna get into it now! Thas cool stuff & the sex you are has nothing to do with anything as you know but there are Old school thoughts that have long since gone since he was huntin. May just baffle him the difference from then to now?

Welcome & Good luck in this wonderful hobby of Coondawg's! Gota ya warn though,really hard to cure the ediction ....

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Posted by Cynthia on 01-04-2011 05:18 PM:

maybe he was just thinking of your safety. you say he hunted in the 70's & 80's..much different world out there now and you do not know who you would be running into during the night.

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Posted by greg stull on 01-04-2011 05:19 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by josh
Girls have a smaller brain...Its science, you wouldnt understand.

ARE YOU TRYING TO START A WAR WITH THE LADIES?

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Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:20 PM:

Re: To all, but especially to the women, what should I make of this statement?

quote:
Originally posted by Family
that sums it up right there for me, ""to all, but especially to the women.""??? sexism is perceived by the receipent, take it wrong or accept the situation of another.

I guess well if you had been a little boy at the time he was going to the mens hunting clubs back in the 70's and 80's you would have been there with him.

as a Man/father in the year 2011, the comments(sexual/drug/alcohol) and foul language is so abundant, and divorced/affairs etc...that my family aint goin right now PERIOD and my sons will go when they are highschool age, after they have had "the coming of age talk"

thats my opinion and if your a male or female it doesnt matter to me. but how my kids are influenced DOES MATTER TO ME. I'm a dad and death to the one who insults my daughter.

just my take on it.

Dad Treasured Ya !! you wernt always a big know it all

never took myself as a know it all, always say, learn a little about alot and never be a know it all. i am almost 40. i think i know what my father thinks of me, owning and running a trucking company and being the only driver. i am sure he wanted me to marry into royalty at one point. BUT, this is what life gives you. and i am sorry to offend anyone, i am me, a woman that can hunt , fish, cut wood. drive truck, fix alot of basic things on automobiles and semi's. i know my father is still proud, but that old fashioned attitude, really has got to go. i really respect him, but that is no bother to anyone but myself.

AND OH YES, IT IS STILL A VERY SEXIST WORLD. AND WOMEN DO NOT MAKE THAT PART OF THE WORLD UP. tis be the men, whom obviously have the larger brain, as so quoted from josh, that just dont know how to use the capacity given to them.

Posted by Christy on 01-04-2011 05:20 PM:

MAYBE HE MEANT SINCE HE'S OLD SCHOOL COON HUNTER, THAT IF YOU HAD BEEN A BOY, YOU WOULD HAVE "GROWN UP" GOING WITH HIM TO THE COON HUNTS AND WOULD HAVE "GROWN UP" A COON HUNTER, RATHER THAN MAKING THE CHOICE FOR YOURSELF AT AN OLDER AGE?

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Posted by ladycoonhunter on 01-04-2011 05:27 PM:

women and girl coonhunters

quote:
Originally posted by josh
Girls have a smaller brain...Its science, you wouldnt understand.

I an advid hunter in general take some offense to this comment , any day of the week i would love to draw you in a hunt and we will see who has the smaller brain ,lol on any given week I am hunting or guideing or judging some ukc or pkc hunts, you just have to have the love for the game ,

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Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:28 PM:

well, i wasnt ever privy to that. sorry. just deer hunting. i dont want to offend anyone. but, life deals you blows sometimes that will knock you over. the comments, which i just got one the other day from my father, at almost 40. some things wont ever change, and we cant change the things we wish to. we all know that. i know what he meant by old school. not just a coonhunter. my father is the biggest old school man that i know. and i am not kidding. i am a truck driver for god's sake, for 16 years.

Posted by robgregory on 01-04-2011 05:31 PM:

Julie,

I wouldn't dwell on what he said too much.My Grandfather,bless his soul,had a bad habit of speaking before thinkin' about what he was about to say.He didn't mean anything by it,he just would blurt things out sometimes without thinkin'.I'm sure your Father meant nothin' by it either.You just do what you are plannin' on doin' and I wish you well in your future endeavour.I'm sure your Father does too.
Rob Gregory

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Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:34 PM:

Re: Julie,

quote:
Originally posted by robgregory
I wouldn't dwell on what he said too much.My Grandfather,bless his soul,had a bad habit of speaking before thinkin' about what he was about to say.He didn't mean anything by it,he just would blurt things out sometimes without thinkin'.I'm sure your Father meant nothin' by it either.You just do what you are plannin' on doin' and I wish you well in your future endeavour.I'm sure your Father does too.
Rob Gregory

thank you from all of us that still get a hard time from old school.
kelley

ps, i wouldnt bet on it from my father though.

Posted by pegjerben on 01-04-2011 05:35 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by Christy
MAYBE HE MEANT SINCE HE'S OLD SCHOOL COON HUNTER, THAT IF YOU HAD BEEN A BOY, YOU WOULD HAVE "GROWN UP" GOING WITH HIM TO THE COON HUNTS AND WOULD HAVE "GROWN UP" A COON HUNTER, RATHER THAN MAKING THE CHOICE FOR YOURSELF AT AN OLDER AGE?

I'm agreeing with Christy's thoughts on this one......

and, like someone else already mentioned, sometimes we as parents say things without really thinking first about how it might sound. Shoot, we do that as people, not just parents. I don't know you or your father, but if he is as supportive of your other choices as you feel he is, then I would try and put this out of your mind as much as possible. Whatever you do, don't let it eat at you and ruin your relationship with your dad - life is too short and you never know what tomorrow holds.

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Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:40 PM:

yes, i wish i could have taken back alot with my son. words that is. but i have never put a damper on anything that he tried to attempt. 110% or nothing. sometimes parents ruin relationships on their own. intending or not. i just wanted julie to know i can feel the same heart breaking knife that will tear your heart to pieces. to those who dont know, i hope you never do.

Posted by ladycoonhunter on 01-04-2011 05:43 PM:

I would not take any of that to heart at all, back in the 70 and 80's girls werent supposed to hunt they were supposed to ba all make up and pretty dress' , Nowadays its alot different what I got from what he said is this if you were a boy you would have been hunting with me years ago but because u are female back then it was not something girls did, it was unheard of he probably is more than happy that you are now a grown women and still have that love for hunting hunting with your father when your little goes two ways somekids LOVE it and grow up to be hunters others just go hunting with their dads because they think that is what they are supposed to do and they get to spend time with their dads, nowI am in my thirty's and my dad was also a hunter i grew up a total tomboy but never really got into hunting my mother bench showed dogs and had kennels but as I got older I still was never really allowed to be a total tomboy with hunting and all that , But now and for the last ten years of my life I hunt everything deer, coyotes. coon or whatever. i have two daughters ages 5 and 2 and they both are full hunters as well bith own their own guns and are with mom and dad all the way, but my oldest girl also is what back then was apporiate little girl in dresses playing in makeup, she doenst mind getting dirty or shooting a coyote. I will rasie both of my girls to be the toal woman be able to hunt and fix things and be independent and take care of them self so that they will have a better life in all aspects. I now own more dogs than my husband and he has been a hardcore hunter since birth. I also have won more hunts than he has . Dont get down on yourself or what your fatehr said my dad was kinda shocked when I started hunting but he calls me after every cast or outing with the dogs to see how things went and he dont evern hunt anymore. Instae dof braging at work about how i won some beauty contest or got some promotion at work my dad brags about how his daughter did at a coon hunt, my dad would be just as proud even if I were a born a boy.

Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:46 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by ladycoonhunter
I would not take any of that to heart at all, back in the 70 and 80's girls werent supposed to hunt they were supposed to ba all make up and pretty dress' , Nowadays its alot different what I got from what he said is this if you were a boy you would have been hunting with me years ago but because u are female back then it was not something girls did, it was unheard of he probably is more than happy that you are now a grown women and still have that love for hunting hunting with your father when your little goes two ways somekids LOVE it and grow up to be hunters others just go hunting with their dads because they think that is what they are supposed to do and they get to spend time with their dads, nowI am in my thirty's and my dad was also a hunter i grew up a total tomboy but never really got into hunting my mother bench showed dogs and had kennels but as I got older I still was never really allowed to be a total tomboy with hunting and all that , But now and for the last ten years of my life I hunt everything deer, coyotes. coon or whatever. i have two daughters ages 5 and 2 and they both are full hunters as well bith own their own guns and are with mom and dad all the way, but my oldest girl also is what back then was apporiate little girl in dresses playing in makeup, she doenst mind getting dirty or shooting a coyote. I will rasie both of my girls to be the toal woman be able to hunt and fix things and be independent and take care of them self so that they will have a better life in all aspects. I now own more dogs than my husband and he has been a hardcore hunter since birth. I also have won more hunts than he has . Dont get down on yourself or what your fatehr said my dad was kinda shocked when I started hunting but he calls me after every cast or outing with the dogs to see how things went and he dont evern hunt anymore. Instae dof braging at work about how i won some beauty contest or got some promotion at work my dad brags about how his daughter did at a coon hunt, my dad would be just as proud even if I were a born a boy.

you got a good dad then, not everyone does

Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:50 PM:

if it was only a perfect world there would be no need for xanax

Posted by ladycoonhunter on 01-04-2011 05:51 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by branchvillekell
you got a good dad then, not everyone does

Very true and thank you ,but if my mom was still alive she would have my a** if you know what I mean she loved her wild animals , all the women hunter get flack for hunting but I can tell you this there will be more and more as time goes on it is a fun sport and really it makes for a more well rounded person in general.

Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:52 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by josh
Girls have a smaller brain...Its science, you wouldnt understand.

obviously god blessed you with mass and matter. that doesnt mean you have used it to your capacity and actually have an eye Q.

Posted by Riverview2 on 01-04-2011 05:53 PM:

I think Two Toes and Christy said it best.

I am 30yrs old and been out doing all kinds of hunting with my dad since I could walk.

I think sometimes as girls we over think things and have to remember that guys don't think as deep as we do.

Posted by branchvillekell on 01-04-2011 05:57 PM:

have any of you actually had a really sh&tty dad?? some maybe, i do. i do not feel sorry for myself. unfortunately i cry at my age, all the time because of him, and i am supposed to turn and love. sometimes when you dont know how to fight, get out of the ring.

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