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-- Something to give you a Laugh my Budy just sent this to me. (http://forums.ukcdogs.com/showthread.php?threadid=205649)

Something to give you a Laugh my Budy just sent this to me.

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through
The pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead
Goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out
LOUD!



Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.



Here's what happened:



Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me
There was 'something wrong' with one of the two
Lizards he holds prisoner in his room.



'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm
Serious, Dad. Can you help?'



I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and
Followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards
Was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I
Immediately knew what to do.



'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'



'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having
Babies.'



'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are
Bert and Ernie, Mom!'



I was equally outraged.



'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't
Want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.



'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their
Cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this
Sarcastically!)



'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I
Reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet
Voice, while gritting my teeth).



'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.



'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you
Know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).



By now the rest of the family had gathered to see
What was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make
The best of it.



'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,'
I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle
Of birth..'



'Oh, gross!' they shrieked



'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do
With a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted
To know.



We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what
Looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing
A scant second later.



'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I
Noted.



'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.



'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.



'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed
The foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.
It disappeared. I tried several more times with the
Same results.



'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know



'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You
See a pattern here with the females in my house?)



'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to
The vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.



'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.



'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to
Him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I
Mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy
Is of her womb, for G~d's sake.).



The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and
Peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.



'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested
Scientifically



'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. And Mrs.
Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'



I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.



'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.



'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not
In labor.. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen.
Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And
Occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most
Male species, they um . . Um . . Masturbate. Just
The way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed,
Glancing at my wife.



We were silent, absorbing this.



'So, Ernie's just . Just . . Excited,' my wife offered.



'Exactly,' the vet replied , relieved that we understood.



More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to
Giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.



'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not
Believing that the woman I married would commit
The upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.



Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just ..that . .
I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . Its. . Teeny little .. . '
She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once
more.



'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and
hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into
the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.



'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,'
he told me.



'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing
with laughter.



Two lizards: $140.



One cage: $50.



Trip to the vet: $30.



Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:



Priceless!



Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.



Lizards lay eggs!

__________________
Patrick Lunsford
Backswamp Kennels
http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj270/Backswamp_Fred/BackswampFred.jpg

http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj270/Backswamp_Fred/Maniac.jpg

http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj270/Backswamp_Fred/Maniac1.jpg

http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj270/Backswamp_Fred/Judy.jpg

Home of PR. Back Swamp Fred 1st place win High scoreing male B/T sectional 650+ ( Gone But Not ForgotteN)
CH. Patricks Southern Bell ( Old girl you will be greatly missed.
Nt. Ch Long Creek Gracie. Will miss you girl.

ROTFLMAO
That is a good one!!!

__________________
Indian Ridge Coon Dogs
Kimberly Ireland
(417) 818-7511

Check Out Our Website!!
www.IndianRidgeCoonDogs.com

that will sure make u wish u would have payed attention in class. all i can say is git-r-done

LOL LOL LOL

__________________

CB&L KENNELS
HOME OF TREETALKIN
BLACK & TANS
CORKY CROWDER
BRANDON MAYO
LINDA CROWDER
PR TREETALKIN LITTLE SASSY
TREETALKIN TROOPERS BLEW
TREETALKIN RANGER DANGER
TREETALKIN LIL SHOOTEM UP JAKE
GRCHPR TREETALKIN NIGHTHAWK GONE BUT NEVER WILL BE FORGOTTEN R.I.P.

that is to much i bet that lizard has a crush now

__________________
blackandtans till i die
rebels black and tans
(rebels blck sky deceased) rebels blck pearl
REBEL TANK
my girls rebels blck raven rebels honeydo and rebels ruby
the freak dozer

You should have charged the vet for a free Comedy Central episode...

__________________
UKC GrNtCh PKC Ch Pa HTX Sniper (Deceased) Four time qualified for World Championship
Duane and Seth Jones/Jarret Davis partners
Beaver River Kennels/Team Pa
USAF proud!!! 6 Years active 19 Reserves MSgt (ret) Raven 457
Carpe Nocturnum-Seize the night!

I laughed out loud.

Reminds me of MY lizard story last week. I was talking to a friend who is a walking Trivia Encyclopedia. I told her I have a little green Lizzard that sits on the gate by my door. And when I see it I talk to it and it blows up a big pink balloon in his throat. Well, she informed me it was certain kind of Lizard - I can't remember the name of it, and then she said, "Yes, that's male and they do that when they're COURTING."
That's the first time I've been the focus of flirting in AGES!

__________________
SKY
___________________
Author of the novel "Follow Jennifer"