UKC Forums (http://forums.ukcdogs.com/index.php)
- UKC Coonhounds (http://forums.ukcdogs.com/forumdisplay.php?forumid=4)
-- Jokes (http://forums.ukcdogs.com/showthread.php?threadid=133067)

Jokes

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 South, just outside of Washington . Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."





The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon."

__________________
CLINCH RIVER KENNEL
Home of:
Nitech 'pr' Akers Timber Talking Lady
CH 'Pr' Akers Timber Talking Cricket
Nathanial Akers

again

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,



"Wedding Cake."

__________________
CLINCH RIVER KENNEL
Home of:
Nitech 'pr' Akers Timber Talking Lady
CH 'Pr' Akers Timber Talking Cricket
Nathanial Akers

joke

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed
that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked,
"Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, interstellar space travel, the latest medical break-through's, etc.

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have. "A martini please".

Again it was superb. The robot again asked. "What is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100".

The robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. He left, returned and took a stool.
Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?".
This time the man drawled out, "Uh... about 50".

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked...

A-r-e......... y-o-u-r......... p-e-o-p-l-e..........really......... g-o-i-n-g...........t-o........ n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e.... H-i-l-l-a-r-y-???

__________________
CLINCH RIVER KENNEL
Home of:
Nitech 'pr' Akers Timber Talking Lady
CH 'Pr' Akers Timber Talking Cricket
Nathanial Akers

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's
worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a
new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and
BS with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like
me and hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?

Signed, Clueless



Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him
anymore.
You're a United States Senator from New York . Act like one.