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A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were
asked if they would ever sleep with Former President
Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

__________________
James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

A Lesson in Government



Previous Next
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a poop in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of poop

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

My girlfriend's so good at keeping secrets.
We were engaged for four months before I even knew!

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called wedding cake.

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his johnson after his mistress found the ring in his trouser pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep.
I don't know what's worse:
1) Having your mistress find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your johnson.
3) Finding out your johnson fits through your wedding ring.

Paddy and Mick are discussing Paddy's forthcoming wedding.
"I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."
Mick says,"Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one of your balls red and the other blue. On your honeymoon if she laughs and says, 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"

My fiancée is a bit of a geek, so she was delighted when I suggested a Star Wars themed wedding.
We'll save a fortune on her dress - she already looks like Chewbacca.

I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards.
I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle, jump in the car and drive off.

Yesterday I underwent a painful procedure that required me to have my spine and both testicles removed.
Got some great wedding presents though!

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.” “Oh Harry Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, “don’t you know? that’s what recorders are for.” Harry’s face lit up “you mean I could record your sermon?”…


Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.
Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”
Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.
Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.

Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized. He said, "Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse".

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

t was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!"

The man paused to collect his thoughts. "Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was none other than Donald Trump himself.
"Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."

Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine.

But all of a sudden this crazy jealous husband comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away.

As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.

A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator..."

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

A married Cajun went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almos' had de affair wid annuder woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Cajun said, "Well, we get undress' and rub together, but den I stop."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The Cajun left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Cajun replied, "Yeah fadder, but me..I rub de $50 on de box, and 'cordin' to you, that be de same as puttin' it in."

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did all that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

There ya go Corky and Shan, well the punch lines will hit ya in a couple weeks.

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

quote:

---

Originally posted by Slough
There ya go Corky and Shan, well the punch lines will hit ya in a couple weeks.

---

__________________
"Pr" Moonlight Anna R.I.P.-
(you were a world class champion to me !)

SHOW CH ' Rays Moonlight Anna's Dream.. MOLLY
FCH CH' PR' Ray's Moonlight Anna's Dream..MOLLY
"Pr" Hannah Ruth's saving angel .... Roo

My heart WILL FOREVER BELONG to my Blueticks..

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord , thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end..... JER. 29:11

Happy Friday. 80 and humid here.

Mike - the pups are looking good.

Dan - nice pic.

James - good ones.

No puppies yet. I called my Vet, she told me not to be concerned. She said count 63-65 days from the last time she was bred. Tomorrow will be 63 days from the last time she was bred. She is getting huge.

Have a great weekend everyone.

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John Sisley

Good Evening!

Happy Friday everyone!
Prayers to all!

Laughing... thanks James!

Rained a good amount early today and was a bit cooler. Of course I waited till it stopped to take the dogs out...and it RAINED hard again as we were on our way back in...lol... NO clue what tomorrow holds.....
Not WOrking this weekend for mum! WIll go for a visit tomorrow night though and see my sisters.
After readling all the jokes I can't recall all the posts I was gonna answer...OH...
Dan, your granddaughter is pretty and has a WONDERFUL smile that will melt hearts!
Mike, the pups look awesome!
That's all I recall...lol... Have a Great one! HappyHunting etc
Heather

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Home of the BIGCASTLEDAWGS
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i71/BIGCASTLEDAWGS/Websters%20First%20coon/IMG_0045.jpg

thanks heather and john, i told her she could start dateing when she turns 30. ------- see ya

James this one is my favorite. There is some truth to this.




Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called wedding cake.

__________________
John Sisley

GOODMORNING
JAMES
GOODONES KEEPT ME LAUGHING ALL EVENING
ROB
HAVE GOOD TIME AT HUNT
JOHN
TODAY IS THE DAY HOPEFULLY
DW
CUTE GIRL
EVERYONE HAVE GOOD DAY

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CB&L KENNELS
HOME OF TREETALKIN
BLACK & TANS
CORKY CROWDER
BRANDON MAYO
LINDA CROWDER
PR TREETALKIN LITTLE SASSY
TREETALKIN TROOPERS BLEW
TREETALKIN RANGER DANGER
TREETALKIN LIL SHOOTEM UP JAKE
GRCHPR TREETALKIN NIGHTHAWK GONE BUT NEVER WILL BE FORGOTTEN R.I.P.

Good morning. Sunny and going to 80 today.

No puppies yet.


Have a great day everyone.

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John Sisley

Afternoon, no rain yet.

Good lookin girl DW, better keep plenty shotgun shells handy.

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James Lawrence, Big Slough Kennels

Geeeee... You have to have a red bone with you to hunt at the fellowship hunt .. Or at least be with some one that has one .. Boy .. The good Lord is not color blind .. I say this thread needs to get together our own fellowship hunt .. Where we all can just simply enjoy hunting together with whoever you want .. So ...
Corky.. Nope don't think I'll attend .. I have a Bluetick ..

__________________
"Pr" Moonlight Anna R.I.P.-
(you were a world class champion to me !)

SHOW CH ' Rays Moonlight Anna's Dream.. MOLLY
FCH CH' PR' Ray's Moonlight Anna's Dream..MOLLY
"Pr" Hannah Ruth's saving angel .... Roo

My heart WILL FOREVER BELONG to my Blueticks..

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord , thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end..... JER. 29:11

Well shannon guess im out!!!! No red dog here no more. He took a ride last week to a new home. His new owners love him.
Dan great pic. Sorry I didn't make it down today but busy here at home. Hade to take a break to watch my tech play some tarheals.
Mike pups looking good. Wish I could had got to see them today.
James great jokes loved em.
Rob my friend hope the knee is good and youll had fun at the hunt. Good turn out?
Heather hope you have a great weekend.
Corky brandon bow hunt? Seen a few this morning, to bad I dont.
Link when you going to come up for a night of coon hunting? No golf course, posted signs and no one giving you a hard time.
Vabluegal youll pull last nite?
Last but not least john puppies yet? Hope things go well.

Prayers to all.

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Shawn Abshire

Home of: My Blues!!
Males
Ch `PR` Turkey Creek Wallaces Luke.
' PR' Midnight Blue Haze.
Females
' PR' Big River Midnight Alibi
' PR' Bennett's Hilltop Blue Sammie

PIC AT TRI COUNTIES
MIKE AND PUP IN TRAINING

BEST LOOKING THING AT THE SHOW

KIDS SHOW

__________________

CB&L KENNELS
HOME OF TREETALKIN
BLACK & TANS
CORKY CROWDER
BRANDON MAYO
LINDA CROWDER
PR TREETALKIN LITTLE SASSY
TREETALKIN TROOPERS BLEW
TREETALKIN RANGER DANGER
TREETALKIN LIL SHOOTEM UP JAKE
GRCHPR TREETALKIN NIGHTHAWK GONE BUT NEVER WILL BE FORGOTTEN R.I.P.