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-- New Joke For Today (http://forums.ukcdogs.com/showthread.php?threadid=1030)

Ya know what marriage and a tub of hot water have in common ?
After you benn in it for a little while neither one seems to hot any more.

CHUCK NORRIS DOES NOT WEAR A CONDOM BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PROTECTION FROM CHUCK NORRIS

CHUCK NORRIS DOES NOT SLEEP...HE WAITS


CHUCK NORRIS' TEARS CURE CANCER...TOO BAD HE NEVER CRIES

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up...he pushes the Earth down.

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Keep 'em treed,
Jeff Wagner

Hunting is one of those pleasures that you won't understand if you have to have it explained, which is good because folks who enjoy it can't fully explain why. -Ron Spomer

when the boogeyman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for chuck norris.

SINCE THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF DISCUSSION ABOUT DOG FOOD LATELY, HERE GOES!!!
TWO COONHUNTERS WERE DISCUSSING THE HIGH PRICE OF FEED WHEN AN OLD MAN OVERHEARD AND BUTTED IN WITH ADVICE!!! "BACK WHEN I COONHUNTED, I ALWAYS FED TURNIP GREENS, THEIR MUCH CHEAPER" HE SAID!!! THE TWO GUYS DECIDED TO GIVE IT A TRY, FOR THEY HAD NOTHING TO LOSE!!! A FEW DAYS LATER, THE TWO MEN RAN INTO THE OLD FELLOW IN TOWN AND SAID "OUR DOGS WON'T EAT THEM TURNIP GREENS"!!! THE OLD MAN SMILED AS HE REPLIED "MY WOULDN'T EITHER, FOR TWO WEEKS!!!

quote:

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Originally posted by Hey Preacher!!!
SINCE THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF DISCUSSION ABOUT DOG FOOD LATELY, HERE GOES!!!
TWO COONHUNTERS WERE DISCUSSING THE HIGH PRICE OF FEED WHEN AN OLD MAN OVERHEARD AND BUTTED IN WITH ADVICE!!! "BACK WHEN I COONHUNTED, I ALWAYS FED TURNIP GREENS, THEIR MUCH CHEAPER" HE SAID!!! THE TWO GUYS DECIDED TO GIVE IT A TRY, FOR THEY HAD NOTHING TO LOSE!!! A FEW DAYS LATER, THE TWO MEN RAN INTO THE OLD FELLOW IN TOWN AND SAID "OUR DOGS WON'T EAT THEM TURNIP GREENS"!!! THE OLD MAN SMILED AS HE REPLIED "MY WOULDN'T EITHER, FOR TWO WEEKS!!!

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I LIKE PAUL, MAYBE NEXT TIME!!!

that funny preacher. around here years ago people use to feed their dogs crack corn, i asked a old man how your dogs do on crack corn he said they looked a little poor but they would all night on it. i think it has more to do with the hunt in the dog instead whats in his belly lol.

I ABOUT BLEW MY TOP ONE NIGHT HUNTING A YOUNG DOG NEAR A FEEDER!!! EVERYTHING WAS QUITE FOR A WHILE SO I MOSEY OVER TO SEE IF I NEED TO ADD SOME CORN, AND WHAT DO I FIND BUT THAT PUP RAKING CORN OUT OF THAT HOLE WITH HER TONGUE!!! BUT IF YOU LOOK AT THE SIDE OF A DOG FOOD BAG, IT MOST LIKELY HAS CORN IN IT!!!

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Originally posted by skeets
that funny preacher. around here years ago people use to feed their dogs crack corn, i asked a old man how your dogs do on crack corn he said they looked a little poor but they would all night on it. i think it has more to do with the hunt in the dog instead whats in his belly lol.

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preacher i got a little mountain cur last week, so my wife who works for a vet told me shes going to get him some really good dog feed at the office, i said ok as long as your paying for it lol, well she gets home with this high priced dog feed and low and behold what did i see on the bag, a picture of a ear of corn right smack dab in the middle of it lol.

GOOD THING WE'RE ON THE JOKE THREAD, THAT'S FUNNY RIGHT THERE!!!

lol good night lyle.

our church had a baptism at the creek last summer and this drunk came staggering up to see what the goings on was, well the preacher grabbed the drunk and dunked him under the water and brought him up, the preacher said did you see jesus?, the drunk said i cant say that i did, then the preacher dunked him back under and brought him up again did you see jesus? the preacher asked, the drunk said no i didnt, the preacher dunked the drunk again and brought him back up and shouted DID YOU SEE JESUS, the drunk said pastor are you sure this is were he fell in.

I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT ONE!!! LOL!!!

preacher i heard gospel singer tony green tell that one so i thought it was ok.

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Originally posted by skeets
preacher i heard gospel singer tony green tell that one so i thought it was ok.

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heres one

A duck goes into a bar and asks the bartender for some grapes. The bartender said I don't have any. The duck went back the next night and asked for some grapes. Again the bartender said I don't have any and if you ask again ill nail your feet to the floor. Well the duck went back the next night and asked, do you have any nails? Bartender said no. The duck asked, got any grapes?

chuck norris!

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!!!

A little boy was walking down the road pushing a lawn mower.As he passed by the preachers house,the preacher hollered at him and ask if he want to trade his lawn mower.He told the boy that he had a brand new bicycle that he didn't have no use for but he could sure use a good push mower and ask him if he'd be willing to trade.The boy said yes so they swaped and went on their way.A few weeks later the boy came by on his bicycle and the preacher stoped him and told him he couldn't get the mower to crank.The boy looked at him and said awe preacher all you got to do to get it to crank is cuss it.The preacher said son I've been a preacher for many years now I've long since forgot how to cuss.The little boy looked at him and said you just yank on that cord a few more times it'll all come back to ya!

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Triple creek english
Westminster Sc
864-247-5224

A new Methodist preacher got rotated in to his new charge in a little community. The Parsonage was beside the church and the only store in the village was across from the parsonage. The preacher's first trip , he was down to check it out. He figured he would walk across the road and intriduce himself at the store. There was a boy sitting on the loafers bench in front of the store. The preacher sat down beside him and the boy just sat there and turned a little bottle and watched the bubble run up it. then he would turn it over and watch the bubble run up it. The preacher had a course in phsycology so he didn't say anything. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a little bottle and started watching the bubble run up his. Sure enough the boy asked what was in the bottle. The preacher saw his chance so he said he was the new preacher and wanted to see him in church next Sunday morning, And that what he had was a bottle of Holy Water. He said " You can rub a drop of this Holy Water on a pregnant woman's belly and she'll pass a baby boy". Kid sat there watching his bubble. Directly he said, "Preacher this here is Turpentine. You can rub a drop of it under a cat's tail and she'll pass a motorcycle".

thats funny lol

A COUPLE FROM MINNESOTA WERE PLANNING A TRIP TO FLORIDA TO CELEBRATE THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!! DUE TO CONFLICTS IN EACH OTHER'S WORK SCHEDULE, THE MAN FLEW OUT ON FRIDAY MORNING AND WAS TO MAKE SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE RESTAURANT AND HOTEL WHERE THEY HAD SPENT THEIR HONEYMOON!!! PLANNING TO MEET HIS WIFE AT THE AIRPORT EARLY THE NEXT DAY, HE SENT HER AN EMAIL BEFORE HE WENT TO BED, BUT MISSPELLED THE EMAIL ADDRESS BY ONE LETTER!!! MEANWHILE IN HOUSTON, A ELDERLY LADY WAS RESPONDING TO EMAILS FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY CONCERNING THE DEATH OF HER HUSBAND!!! HER SON, SITTING IN ANOTHER ROOM, HEARD HER SCREAM AND RUSHED IN TO FIND HER UNCONSCIENCE ON THE FLOOR!!! AS HE BENDS DOWN TO SEE ABOUT HIS ELDERLY MOTHER, HE SEES THE FOLLOWING EMAIL ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN!!!

SWEETHEART I MISS YOU!!! I CAN'T WAIT TILL YOU GET HERE!!! SLEEP WELL, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW!!!
P.S. IT SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE

thats a good un preacher lol. reminds me back a few years ago i was sitting in the front yard drinking coffee, and the neighbors 10 year old boy came over. the boy asked me, what is that? i said, why son that is a thermos. he said whats it do? i said son it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. he said i want one, so i thought about for a little bit and i said you can have mine if you want. and believe it or not i saw the little boy the next day rideing his bicycle with that thermos hanging from the handle bars. i hollerd out, hey boy what cha got in that thermos? he said ice cream and coffee.lol

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Originally posted by PlottChaser
A husband and wife were driving down the road when they saw a baby river otter on the side of the road. The animal was obviously in distress, so they stopped to pick it up. When they got it back in the truck the woman said, "Oh, I feel so sorry for the little guy. He seems so cold!" Her husband says, "Well, put it down in between your legs so he can warm up a little." The wife responds, "But it's wet and stinks!" The man says, "Just hold his little nose, he'll be OK!"

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